Real Or Not - L.A.'s always in full bloom

There she was again, all blond hair and breasts perfectly cupped and peering out of a shiny, black Catwoman top on the cover of GQ. I wasn't jealous so much as mesmerized. I once went to school with this girl, now very much a woman.

It was a hand and a fistful of years ago; we were both 18. I remember how self-assured and wise she was, even back then. She had a big sister quality as though she had everything figured out while the rest of us were still floundering through the last trials of adolescence. She knew exactly what she wanted in life and she went after it.

What I don't remember exactly are those breasts.

That GQ cover caused quite a stir-- not about her, but about them-- the breasts. Silicon, natural, or Photoshopped? I can't say either way. None of us had fully bloomed by then, least of all me. But I do know that I'm fuller now than I was then [ but not by much.] Really though, why does it matter if they were real or not? And the answer is, it doesn't, but the conversations continue nonetheless.

Just a few days ago, I was watching a Netflix with a friend and he spotted a girl with huge knockers. Remote point. Rewind. Ext. Zoom In. Freeze Frame.

"Think those are real?" he asks.

I take one look.

"No way," I answer. "No one has perfectly shaped disco-ball sized globes anchored to their chest like that. Plus, look at her teeny-tiny waist and lollipop head..."

Real or Fake? is a question that comes up often in L.A. Here women's breasts are always in bloom. Most of the time though, you can easily pick out the fakes. If a women is a size 0 with minimal body fat, it's nearly impossible to have 38DD boobs. Not even here in mythical L.A. does that exist naturally-- unless you're a freak of Barbie proportions. (Heidi Montag is the closest you're gonna get to Barbie and I don't think Heidi even has any of her original parts. If she were on Amazon, she'd be listed as refurbished.) Also, if a woman refers to her breasts as "the girls" or has some other pet name for them, I'm willing to bet they're fake, too.

Breasts change as we gain weight, lose weight, have babies, grow older... They are almost never identical, even to each other. As for me, I'm happy where I'm at. There are definite benefits to being lesser-chested. I'll never have to wear one of those industrial strength sports bras and as I grow older, there won't be enough material up there to sag.

And as for my former schoolmate? I offer my sincere congratulations on all fronts, not because of GQ, but because of all the other recognition she's finally getting in a career I know she's quietly been building for years.

Copyright ©2010 by KLiedle
Photo credit: " Bloom*" -- imapix/flickr

Hollywood On Horseback

For awhile now, I've been yearning to go horseback riding again. Although, I've always been an outdoorsy girl, I hadn't been on horseback since I was 12. I was at summer camp. Ranch Camp, to be exact-- a rather unfortunate experience that I recount here.

I even worked at the L.A. Equestrian Center for a summer, but nope...never went for a ride...until last week. I booked an hour-long ride through Sunset Ranch, off Beachwood Drive in the Hollywood Hills. The staff was friendly enough and after filling out what seemed to be a ridiculous amount of liability paperwork, I was off.

I enjoyed riding along with my horse-for-the-day, Mustard. Mustard, did not seem to enjoy it nearly as much. He had some sort of rivalry going with one of the other horses, Buckley, I think was his name. Every time Buckley even approached to pass, Mustard's ears would go back and he'd let out a long, deep snort of disapproval. This was widely entertaining yet I was glad that I'd only opted for the hour-long ride this time around. It was just enough time.

We rode with a small group along with a leader by the name of "Poncho." [I doubt that was his real name, but then again, this is Hollywood.] Poncho would get a little anxious if anyone went faster than a short-lived trot. Mostly, we rode at a rather slow pace which, although enjoyable, got old fast. I'd recommend Sunset Ranch if you want to get outdoors and go for an afternoon ride. Next time around though, I think I'll upgrade to a trot or maybe a gallop ride someplace else-- who knows?

© 2010 by KLiedle
Photo credit: KLiedle

For More
Wild Horses Run Free: Ranch Camp Gone Awry

Ironically, just after writing the above article, I read about the existence of a book called,
P.S. I Hate It Here: Kid's Letters From Camp. I just may have to look into that...

Sunset Ranch Hollywood

Rhino Boy And His Magic Cape Whizzes Over To YouTube

"Rhino Boy" originally aired on Funnyordie.com
All Smoggy episodes on Funnyordie.com/smoggyinla
Selected episodes now on YouTube

Created by Scott Vogel and produced by Kendra Liedle and Scott Vogel, each short episode of IT'S ALWAYS SMOGGY IN L.A. explores the unique effects the entertainment industry has on the people who live here. Our episodes can by kooky, they can be dark, and they can be twisted, but they are unquestionably L.A.

For future episodes and more information about the show, please see the official website: smoggyinla.com

Recycled Jewelry, Fingernail Clippings, and Mother's Day gifts.

In this month's Elle Magazine Fashion Insider, I read about a couple of companies who are fashioning jewelry from recycled materials. Thrive, a company based here in L.A., makes jewelry from electrical circuit boards, old hard drives and the like. It's not exactly my style, but I applaud the efforts of a company using 'found objects'--especially computer and electrical items. With a new upgrade of something every time we turn around, I imagine they have lots of components to choose from.

Lauren Manoogian, also featured in this month's Elle, is a designer that uses anything and everything from old office supplies to used airplane parts to make jewelry for her Manu line. The resulting pieces have a very ethnic, eclectic look to them. Some necklaces look like floral leis, while others look very African-inspired. It's nice to see that flashy is out and earth-friendly, low key pieces are becoming the latest style statement.

I prefer to purchase items directly from artisans or fair trade wholesalers and online outlets like Ten Thousand Villages and World Of Good. Most items are very moderately priced and purchasing from them makes a world of difference for artisans in other countries around the world.

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This being May, these designers also reminded me of my strangest Mother's Day gift ever. When I was about 12 [too old to make a finger-painted Mother's Day card yet too young to have money to buy much of a gift], I decided to give my mom a handmade necklace.

Weeks before Mother's Day, I started growing out my fingernails. Finally, when they were long enough, I painted each fingernail with alternating stratas of red, white, and blue. Why those colors? I really don't know. I used to be patriotic, I guess. After the polish dried, I cut my nails-- and collected the colorful, crescent-shaped clippings. Using a needle, I poked holes into each clipping and strung them onto dental floss. This, as I remember, was extremely time-consuming and harder than I was expecting. The resulting necklace did actually look kinda cool. I was impressed with myself as I handed the gift to my mom. She unwrapped it with the usual present-opening glee.

My mother held the necklace up, examined its colorful shards, and exclaimed something like, "Wow, very unique. Very colorful!"

"They're my fingernails. See!," I pointed out to her, excitedly.

"Thank you!" she said, in a flat tone that meant she had no idea what to say or how to react.

Yes, I obviously spent alot of time on it. Yes, it was uniquely me. Yes, I was her only daughter. And yes, moms are supposed to accept Mother's Day gifts no matter what. It's the thought that counts. Luckily, my mom is an artist herself, a musician-- we're all a little odd--so instead of being repelled, she was actually intrigued by the piece and shall I say, "grotesquely impressed."

She actually wore it to work and got complimented on it, even. No one knew where she would've gotten such a piece of jewelry.

"My daughter made it for me," she would say and smile, certain that no one would ever guess that she was wearing her own daughter's painted fingernails around her neck. Even now, I don't know what I was thinking, but I'm sure that somewhere, my mother still has that necklace--although I doubt she's worn it since.

Perhaps, I could've made money had the style really taken off. I'd love the idea of people the world over, celebrities included, being photographed wearing my fabulously ethnic, unique jewelry and never knowing they were wearing human fingernails around their neck. THAT would be awesome! I'd laugh to myself as I skipped all the way to the bank.

Copyright ©2010 by KLiedle
Photo credit: BrentDanley/flickr

Action Until Completion [And The Story Of My Pillow: A Romance]

I woke up this morning at 11:30 AM with a deep pillow crease on the side of my face. I couldn't have been happier.

I've been working nonstop for the better part of a month. Last week I logged 87 hours ( 60 of which were in 4 days.) I'd forgotten what it was like to have a day in which I didn't have to go anywhere or do anything.

'Feast or famine,' as they say, especially in the entertainment industry. At least this year, there has been a pilot season.

I said goodbye to one such pilot on Friday. I'd gotten to know the crew pretty well. During production, we passed the time by taking bets on how many 'takes' the director would get to before moving on. It became laughable-- in a very expensive way. (I appreciate the efficient directors I've worked with in the past all the more.) Minutes clicked by, $ signs escalated and after awhile, all anyone wanted to hear was 'Got it!' to 'Moving On' to 'Wrap.'

[One particular day, I'd worked from 1:00 PM one day until 6:00 AM the next morning. I was walking around like a zombie, contemplating yet another cup of coffee. At that point, no amount of money meant more to me than going home to collapse and smoosh my face into the side of my pillow. ]

The amount of prep and money that went into everything was unbelievable-- especially this pilot, which I've been told, is one for the record books-- as far as budget. They hope it gets picked up. Most of them don't. I'm just glad it's not a medical drama.

A phenomenon that is quite clear this year: A-list stars and directors migrating to TV. It used to be a step down, an invisible line that no one dared cross. Dustin Hoffman, Sissy Spacek, Kathy Bates, Jon Voight, Forest Whitaker, Kevin Kline are all headed to a TV set near you, if their prospective shows gets picked up. The Laura Dern/Mike White series, "Enlightened," has already gotten a greenlight from HBO-- who ordered nine episodes.

There is no doubt that TV, especially cable, is getting better. I didn't think there was any hope once "reality" set in. I never even watched TV--considered myself more of a film person. However, series like "Mad Men," "Big Love", and my latest obsession, "Breaking Bad" have all changed my mind. Luckily, some audiences have had their fill of non-scripted programming.

****

Production days in the L.A. area are up --- due to newly passed incentives. Most of the increases were commercials and TV. Now if we can just get the features to make a comeback.

Copyright © 2010 by KLiedle
Photo credit: 8litres/flickr

Off With My Head! [ or 3-D When Will It End? ]

I may be one of the few, but I never saw Avatar in 3-D. In fact, I never saw it at all. The worst of it all is that I could've seen it for free because of my job and yet--

I just wasn't all that interested.

Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland intrigued me. Wouldn't it be grand?!! Then, the reviews started coming in and I thought twice. Hmm...maybe not. Oh heck, I still wanted to see it. I wasn't expecting to be blown away, nor was I expecting to go running out of the theater screaming in horror. I set my expectations low and thereby asked only that it be entertaining.

Alice was my inaugural experience with 3-D technology. Indeed, it was an entertaining somersault down the rabbit hole. It was dark and twisted, yet missing some of the essence of the original story's most endearing characters-- i.e. the White Rabbit and Alice, herself. The film was in 3-D, but many of the characters still felt flat and two-dimensional. Alice skulked through most of her days and Anne Hathaway as the White Queen was horrendously miscast in my opinion [and I normally enjoy Ms. Hathaway's work.]
The jabberwocky made it all worthwhile. It's as though it flew off the cover of a heavy metal album only to be slayed by an armored Alice invigorated with female empowerment.

I didn't notice it so much then, during the movie, but apparently my brain doesn't like being tricked by 3-D technology. I exited the theatre with the mother of headaches. It was throbbing, pulsating, and no matter what I did-- it wouldn't go away. At points, I wished the Red Queen in all her 3-D glory would proclaim: "Off With Her Head!" and take me out of my misery. My headache lasted all day and well into the evening--and I NEVER get headaches which made it even worse. "Never again will I do 3-D," I thought to myself.

Now it seems that avoiding 3-D will become the newest challenge for moviegoers like me. Studios are chomping at the bit to convert their studio releases to 3-D. To me, it's irritating-- not only because of the headaches or the extra 3-D surcharge, but because it makes studios believe that technology trumps story and character. Moviegoers can be put under the spell of technology and spectacle for a time. For many, however, the novelty will wear off and they'll realize they've been duped by Hollywood's latest stunt.

Copyright © 2010 by KLiedle
For All Things Alice Illustration credit: shebrews/flickr
Shebrews does Alice-inspired illustrations on vintage paper. Visit shebrews photostream to see the full collection.

For more about emerging 3-D Technology:

Dolby -Dolby 3D Digital Cinema
XpanD Digital Cinema
Some theatres are now experimenting with XpanD Digital Cinema.

The 3-D headache was brought to me by Dolby Digital 3D. For the lucky few like me, 3-D headaches are now appearing at theatres everywhere.

The common causes of headaches are allergy, emotional stress, eye strain, high blood pressure, a hangover, infection, low blood sugar, nutritional deficiency, tension, and the presence of poisons and toxins in the body.
http://www.home-remedies-for-you.com/remedy/Headaches.html

Stop The Presses; Roll The Cameras

"I hate snoops," Holly Golightly proclaims early on in Breakfast At Tiffany's. She'd taken care of herself a long time and felt no need to answer to anybody. And why should she?

I'm a snoop. That's right, I said it--er, wrote it. Given a choice, I'd prefer the term sleuth, but that implies that I'm playing detective and searching for something in particular. And I am no Nancy Drew-- that's for sure. I wouldn't even consider myself in the class of Harriet The Spy. I barely got through that little wimpy kid's diary-- I mean journal, but whatever.

This dirty little trait of mine dates back to childhood. In those days, I was an expert at unwrapping gifts and re-wrapping them to perfection with no one being the wiser. I got away with it for years of Christmases past until my little brother squealed on me. [ I could've told him that his beloved Castle Grayskull was from mom instead of that jolly red giant named Santa, but I didn't want to be mean.] Instead, I took to bugging phone lines and writing in ultra-mysterious code I thought no one could crack... [ 1=A, 2=B, 3=C.] I coiled a bunch of wires together and built a crystal radio that picked up strange signals when tapped into our rotary phone. On most days, I could be found in a tree somewhere, high above the rooftop, looking down on the world and eavesdropping on people. Naturally, these tendencies led to my interest in writing.

Later, I went to journalism school. There, I was forced to read books by the likes of Katherine Graham and Walter Cronkite. Cronkite complained that good, solid journalism was quickly being replaced by what he called infotainment. The integrity of news media and print media itself, he feared, could become something of the past. This was after AOL's annoying You've got mail, but before Kindle and ipods and TMZ took over.

Newspapers ceasing to exist? I thought Cronkite was being a bit of an alarmist. Less than a decade later, my favorite newsstand is now a Tijuana-style vendor stand of noisy, blinking electronic toys and ipod/cell phone accessories. The only magazines left on those dwindling racks are tabloids that everyone reads for infotainment sake, but no one admits to buying.

Lately, I've been spending quite a bit of time in an old newspaper building. As the newspaper moved out, the film crews moved in. This one is playing host to no less than three television pilots in the next few weeks. As the size of the newspaper shrank, so did its news staff. [They moved into a much smaller building to cut their losses.] At the old haunt, the hallways are long and narrow. The lunch room still has tables and a humming refrigerator. Circulation sits abandoned; Advertising is hauntingly quiet, and the presses have been cold now for quite some time.

If there's anywhere where the temptation to snoop beckons, it's on a film-set---especially on-location and especially in an old newspaper building. The typically brutal, long hours and sheer boredom contribute to the childish curiosity of snooping. After twelve hours, you kinda sorta wonder what might be in that desk drawer. You might want to do some sleuthing, that is detective work, to see what was left behind.

Paperclips, old business cards, and photo sensitive tape only tell part of the story. What was this so-called newspaper world like? I'm on the case. I open a drawer or two, in the name of sleuthing. I flip through a pile of papers as part of my investigative work. I am using my journalism degree after all, I tell myself. I find canisters of mints emblazoned with the logos of old sponsors and complimentary ticket vouchers for any Clippers game... during the '93-'94 season. I wonder if they'll swap them out. Probably not. I toss them aside. Then in the bottom drawer of a desk in one corner office, I find a golden nugget--a relic of the not-so-distant past. On a sheet of yellow-lined legal paper, a former newspaper executive handwrote:

"... The business graveyard is crowded with the tombstones of enterprises, including newspapers, that refused to recognize economic reality."

Even the newspaper business, with its most famous saying: All the news that's fit to print [The New York Times] was ill-advised as to how quickly technology would replace it. Turns out, I did think of Cronkite well beyond that journalism class. In those moments of ahem, investigative work, I stopped to ponder how the collapse of one enterprise [the newspaper business] could benefit the likes of another [the film/tv industry.]

Stop The Presses. Roll The Cameras and we begin again...

Every enterprise, every business must change to fit the new era. We may not know exactly what the new rules are, but one thing's for sure: Those who blink will lose the fight.

"Old anchormen, you see, don't fade away, they just keep coming back for more. And that's the way it is."
--Walter Cronkite (1981)

P.S. And that little wimpy kid's diary--I mean journal, but whatever-- apparently, it's now a major motion picture. We've definitely entered a new era and even if we're surrounded by a bunch of morons, it's time we face up to it.

Copyright © 2010 by KLiedle

Photo/illustration credit/Flickr as follows:
Harriet The Spy/Louise Fitzhugh, News Presses/Belly Button Window
Nancy Drew/Peril In Pink